Do You Know Me?

A question I have asked all my life.I never got the answears i have been looking for and maybe i never will.
I can't explain why my birthmother had so many kids before me and maybe after me, dumped them or gave most up for adoption to the Ny Foundling,she may of been that bad off to care for herself let alone babies.
I always wonder who her husband was,while she was having affairs and having other men's babies,to keep a big secret like that had to be guilt ridden to her.
If i dug deep down into her mind,her was a woman who just didn'tknow what to do,how to gain help and instead she did give birth,blessings from God but she also took something from all her kids, Family.
Can you imagine going through life and your siblings never kenw you exsisted?My Goodness and agencies act as if you don't exsist when you call and ask"who was my mother,do i have siblings"? To them your just a person who came through their doors and was adopted, forgotten about,like a grocery store,ring em, bag them and it's on it's way out the door,Thats how I feel.
My concerns are my siblings but will they ever know me, will we ever meet and be reunited.I searched for 15 yrs for answears to who i was and who i cam from,now the other 5 years have been spent searching for my big brothers and sisters,it's not an act of meaness or to disturb them,it's an act of love,i made a promise to God and it was never made in vain.
So how can Ny allow adoptees of ag never to know their backrounds, withholding medical imformation or never telling them they have siblings,Because they can.It's the laws in New York that need to be changed now.Every adoptee has the God Given Right to know their siblings, their medical history{all of it} ,their past is important to them, agencies may not see it that way but it is a gift.I am thankful the birthmotehr gave us life but I am not happy that I have to comb every site looking and searching,I have probley place close to 900 hrs on the internet posting and searching.
I now know i have alot of siblings prior to me, isn't that a whoot,I am the baby of ten to mroe siblings, i have been told theres 11 ,actually 12 one died when i was born,i was a triplet and to make matters worse because she or he died they were not accounted for,so now I have to dig for the name or make sure it had a name,I promsied God.
How awful it is growing up in a deep dark place, my heart and confused about things."OH NO" I'm not confused on my parenst who love me,who adopted me and gave me a loving home,I'm confused on why an adoption agency was allowed to lie and withhold things for so many yrs.I struggled in school sometimes, the abuse by nun wasn't fun,i rememebr one nun pinching me and hitting me,calling me cruel names,My father rememebred to well driving home from work crying when my mother told him and she remoevd us from the school.Things that were never brought up during doctors visits and all you'd get is"I don't know"what a crock of poop.
My heartc aches every time i hear of a child dumped,i hurt when i read about an adoptee being treated unfairly and why?because laws in states don't allow adoptees accesse to their own files,they don't allow adoptees much and it's because tehir affraid you'll find the birthmother.
I am not interested in finding my birthmother although she holds alot of answears but I don't want to upset her and i don't want to make her feel bad,dose that make sense?
My brothers,I wish i had them when i was a kid,i need to be protected because kids can be cruel.I wished i had known them,to much of life has been past,we missed out on alot.I have so much to say to them one day,I love them,I may not know them or may of not been there,they didn't know about me but still I love them,i don't like the word"half" to me my siblings are my siblings.
My sisters befor me,I wished i had known them,although i have a feternial twin and found an older sister five yrs ago who fileld me in on alot,theres still three before me,i wished they had been around when i needed sisterly talks,to learn about life, tobe there when the chips were down.I know they don't know me but i didn't know them and why becaus enobody knew each other exsisted.
back in the day,i figure ny was good for this,siblings were adopted out and never ever told of siblings before or after them this explains why my siblings only know of the ones before them not after and thats wrong.
So here i find myself still trapped with emotions,i find myself still looking ans asking,when life gives you lemons you make lemonad.